Death has a tendency to catch people by surprise. The impact of death is worse if the person who dies unexpectedly is your mother.
I was unfortunate to lose my mother unexpectedly. I know what it feels to hear of the death of your mother when the last time you were with her she was totally fine.
It is difficult to accept the death of your mother if you lost her unexpectedly. In this article, I want to share the experience of losing a mother unexpectedly and what you can do to stabilize yourself after the loss.
The Sad Reality of Losing a Mother Unexpectedly
Losing a mother unexpectedly is painful. Unfortunately, it happens more often than we hope it would. Sudden deaths are mainly accident related or short severe illnesses.
Your mother may have lived her whole life only suffering minor illnesses. A few days to her death, she was in perfect health. But then one evening she collapses and is pronounced dead moments later.
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When your mother dies suddenly, you realize just how temporary life is. If someone who carried you in her womb can be swept away by death in a flash, how much more you?
The trauma of losing your mother unexpectedly can be tormenting.
The worst pain of losing a mother unexpectedly is if she dies as a result of an accident. Accidents do happen when we least expect.
Actually, they are called accidents because no one expected them. Had we expected them, we would have prevented them.
Be it a car crash, plane crash or any other form of accident, it is devastating if your mother loses her life in this manner.
Accidents make the pain of losing your mother worse when you imagine the pain she went through. Dying through an accident is a painful death.
The thought that your mother went through such pain is tormenting. The trauma can easily make you fear accidents to the point of not using cars. It is not an easy experience.
Losing your Mother Unexpectedly through a Short Illness
Your mother dying after a short illness is hard to cope with. A heart attack can take the life of your mother when you least expect.
I lost my own mother through a heart attack. To this day, I barely believe that a heart attack was the cause of my mother’s death.
It is hard for me to believe my mom died of a heart attack because she never had a history of heart attacks. The first time I heard that my mom had a heart attack was in her funeral.
Her death was so shocking to me to the point that I didn’t know the cause of her death until a day before her funeral.
When I was told she died of a heart attack, my mind couldn’t figure out how a completely healthy person can die of a heart attack.
I trashed the cause of her death and to this day, I am still skeptical that my mother died of a heart attack.
Losing a mother after a short illness makes it very hard for you to believe that your mother is actually dead.
Your mind is left suspecting many other probable causes of death. You will struggle with thoughts of a planned murder that was covered up with whatever illness they claim took the life of your mother.
Losing your Mother through an Accident
Your mother dying as a result of an accident is probably the worst way to lose your lovely mom. Death through an accident causes you to endlessly think about the last moments of your mother’s life.
At some point your will wish your mother had not done the last few activities that led her to be involved in the accident.
The thought that one simple change to her schedule would have saved her life will bother you for a long time. Unfortunately, life has no rewind button.
The fact that you didn’t have a chance to say your last words to your mother is painful. Accidents don’t give people a chance to prepare for death.
Your mother dying through an accident also means you will have to cope with seeing her bruised body. Not only will you experience the pain of losing your mother but also the pain of seeing your mother’s tortured body.
The fear of seeing your mother’s bruised body may cause you to avoid seeing her body all together. While it may seem a good idea to avoid seeing your mother’s bruised body, considering that it is the very last opportunity you have to see your mother, makes the decision hard.
Coping with the Sudden Death of your Mother
When your mother dies suddenly, there are crucial steps you need to take to cope with the loss. Losing a mother on its own is painful; with the added pain of losing her unexpectedly, coping is hard.
Do the following to manage the grief of losing your mother unexpectedly:
Avoid Hypothetical Situations
What if my mother didn’t board that vehicle? What if she was not left alone at home? What if the ambulance came earlier?
All ‘what if’ questions after the death of your mother will only increase pain. The fact is that things went wrong and your mother died unexpectedly.
Bad things do happen and there is no way to undo them.
Avoid asking yourself many questions of what would have happened if one or two things preceding the death of your mother were changed.
Though your mind will want to dwell on such questions, avoid them.
Regretting Last Moments with Mum
‘I wanted to tell mum about my new boyfriend but I delayed’. ‘I wanted to buy my mom a dress but I am too late’.
Losing your mother unexpectedly means you will have many things you feel you didn’t do with your mother while she was still alive. The truth of the matter is that no one will ever be done with having moments with their mom.
No matter how much time you spend with your mother, you will always have one more thing you wish you would have done with her before her death.
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Though a sudden death will leave you with many unsolved businesses with your mother, it should not make you regret.
No matter how bitter you become with yourself, you can’t bring your mother back to life. The best step to take is to accept her departure.
That last apology you wanted to give, that last hug you wanted to give will never be possible. It is painful but that is the reality.
Losing your mother unexpectedly is a tragedy. It takes courage and strength to forge on with life after such an experience.
Pray to God that He may help you heal from the loss of your mother. There are many painful realities you will have to cope with after the loss of your mother.
Take heart and be determined to come out of the grief period a stronger person.