Being a teenager is confusing. Losing a mother when you are a teenager is terrible. A mother is needed to guide us through our teenage years; losing her is double tragedy.
I have been there. I lost my mother when I was 16 years old. In this article, I want to share a bit of my experience losing a mother as a teenager and a few tips for you if you lost your mother as a teenager too.
Learning of My Mother’s Death
I learned of my mother’s death while in high school. I had reported to school a week before only to be told my mother passed on.
She actually died a day after I left home. I’m glad to this day that I had an opportunity to spend time with her before she died.
Being a teenager, I wasn’t sure what I was to do. For adults, when they hear of the death of their mother, they get involved in planning for the funeral and telling friends.
Read Also: My Mom Died and I want to Talk to Her
As a teenager, there is little for you to do other than sitting and waiting for the burial day.
In terms of reaction to a mother’s death as a teenager, I would say it is confusing. Before my mother passed on, I often struggled with knowing whether I should behave as an adult or as a child.
Sometimes I would behave like a child and people would frown at me. Other times I would behave mature and my friends would tease me.
In grieving my mother, I was constantly swaying from being a child to being an adult.
Since I was the lastborn, mourners expected me to be the most affected. Their sympathy messages made me feel like a little baby.
Coping with my Mother’s Death in High School
When I went back to school after my mother’s funeral, my classmates didn’t have any sympathy that I had lost a mother.
They were teenagers like me and they barely understood what losing a mother means. I struggled to shift from being vulnerable and childlike at home to being mature at school.
For a teenager who has lost a mother, I would recommend you find a teacher to help you adjust to the new normal. If possible, get a female teacher to help you grieve.
I’m glad when I went back to school I had two female teachers to run to whenever I would feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes I would miss the assurance that I used to get from my mother. In such times, I would go to the guiding and counseling office to talk to the female teacher.
She offered me warmth though not as my mother did but it was better than nothing.
As a teenager, you need motherly love to balance out with the discipline that you get from your father. Lacking the warmth of a mother’s love in your teenage years will create a void that will affect your future relationships.
Teenage Years after my Mother Died
The death of my mother took away much of my mental stability. When my mother was alive, she made many decisions for me.
Anytime I would get stuck she would get me unstuck.
Read Also: My Mom Died; Where is She Now?
After her demise, I was left to make decisions for myself. One of the biggest decisions I had to make was my relationship with girls.
I had grown up with my mother warning me not to mingle with girls. Though she didn’t mention it often, subtly, she made me know it.
After her death, I felt free to mingle with girls. I didn’t know that my heart was craving for female attention.
Slightly over a year after my mother died, I got my first ever girlfriend. The relationship didn’t last. I was constantly battling guilt thoughts.
My mind felt having a girlfriend was wrong and I didn’t have my mother to ask if I had grown enough to get a girlfriend.
My final teenage years after my mother died were full of heartbreaks and messed up relationships with girls.
Sometimes I would get so mean when dealing with girls. The void of female attention that my mother left was eating me up but I didn’t know.
Mourning a Mother as a Teenager (3 Takeaway points)
If you lost your mother as a teenager, here are three key takeaways to help you. I am by no means a professional counselor but experience has taught me much.
1. Don’t Fear being Vulnerable
When you lose your mother as a teenager, people will expect you to cry and grieve; that is okay. But months after your mother’s funeral, you won’t be expected to show signs of grief.
The truth is that many months after your mother’s death you will still experience grief. In such moments you may be tempted to mask your grief so that people don’t see you.
Hiding your grief is unhealthy. As a teenager, there is a tendency to keep things to yourself but you must open up.
It is still healthy to grieve many months after your mother died. Don’t punish yourself for being vulnerable.
2. Take Responsibility of your Life
There is a role that your mother was playing in your life that is left vacant. Don’t waste your time looking for someone to fill it because no one can fill it perfectly as your mother did.
Instead, focus on taking responsibility for your life in the areas that your dead mother used to help you in. Though you may be young, it is never too early to take responsibility.
Seek help where you get stuck but make sure you don’t get stuck in looking for someone to replace your dead mother.
3. Fill up the Female Attention Void
The love of a mother has no comparison especially for a teenager. After the death of your mother, a void forms in you.
Read Also: Last Words to Say to your Dying Mother
The void will manifest as a craving for different things. Some may crave to hear the voice of a woman, others may crave to touch a female body and many other cravings.
These cravings that come from the void that your mother leaves can lead you into trouble. It is your responsibility to find something constructive to fill up the void.
Don’t give in to the destructive urges. Instead double down on the good habits that you were doing before your mother passed on.
Take up more duties to keep yourself occupied. That way, you will have less idle time to indulge in the cravings that result from the void that your mother left.