Dad Dating Soon after Mom’s Death: What to do about it

When your dad starts dating shortly after your mother’s death, it raises questions. To some extent, it feels as if your mother didn’t mean much to your Dad. And that is painful to you as a child.

But from another perspective, your Dad was used to good treatment from your mom, which makes it hard for him to live without a woman.

Either way, this issue needs to be approached with care. As a child in the home, your views need to be considered. But at the same time, remember that your Dad is the final decision maker in the home.

In this article, I want to discuss in detail what you should do as a child whose Dad has started dating shortly after your mom’s death. I’ll give you suggestions of what you can do.

Talk to your Dad

If you are in a good relationship with your Dad, you can ask to talk to him about this issue. As I said before, you have a right to air your opinion in the home.

Read Also: My Mother is Dying and she Hates Me. What do I do?

When asking to speak to your Dad, remember that he has strong reasons why he chose to start dating soon after your mom’s death.

Do the following if your Dad agrees to talk with you about this matter:

Express your Feelings about the Matter

When having a talk with your Dad about how soon he has begun dating after your mom’s death, make sure you express your genuine concerns.

It is likely that your Dad already considered your concerns before he started dating. Still, mention your concerns to him and how his actions are affecting you.

Help your Dad know how much his decision to start dating soon after your mom died is affecting you.

Avoid explaining. State what you feel and how it affects you. Start your statements with ‘I…’ so that you avoid accusing your Dad.

Ask Dad to give you Time to Heal from Mom’s Death

Your Dad has the right to start dating at whatever time he chooses to. It is your responsibility as his child to let him know when his decision is affecting you negatively.

A loving father will consider your concern. He will then make a wise decision that is good for both of you.

The important thing to remember is that you are asking for a favor from your Dad. It is not a right but rather a request.

Politely ask your Dad to allow you time to get over the death of your mom before he starts dating another woman.

Read Also: My Mother Died and I didn’t Cry. Am I Normal?

Begin your statement with ‘If possible…’ to make sure that it is a request and not a demand.

Remember that your Dad can decline your request. Be flexible.

Agree on the Time Dad can Start Dating

It is not fair to ask your Dad to give you time to heal from your mom’s death when you have not specified how much time you need.

Your Dad too needs to start dating if that is what he has decided in his heart. It takes great sacrifice for a father to give his children time to heal from their mother’s death before he starts dating another woman.

Therefore, estimate a logical time that you will need to be in a position to tolerate your Dad dating another woman.

Suggest the time frame to your Dad and see if it is possible to work with it. Feel free to adjust the time to suit both of you. Use the basic rules of negotiating.

If you are unsure of the amount of time you will need, you can tell your Dad to allow you a few months then you will get back to him with a definitive answer.

Either way, make sure that you agree with your Dad when he can start dating. That will be fair for both of you.

Get a Mediator

What I have suggested above will only work if you are in good terms with your Dad. If your relationship with your Dad is not great, you will better handle this matter through a mediator.

Read Also: My Mother Died Today. What do I do?

In fact, unless you are sure your relationship with your Dad is good, use a mediator.

You don’t have to get a professional mediator but if you can, it will be great. You can approach a relative who is at your Dad’s age or older to be the mediator.

The most important thing is that the mediator must be a neutral person. If your Dad feels the mediator is biased, he will be tempted to refuse all negotiations.

Let the mediator take you through the process for agreeing when Dad can start dating. If Dad has already begun dating, agree on when the relationship can get serious.

Go through the same steps I have outlined above only that this time you communicate with your Dad through a mediator.

Build your Individual Life

If you are affected by your Dad dating soon after your mom passed on, chances are that you depend on your Dad for quite a number of things.

There is no problem with depending on your Dad for several things but time comes when you have to create your own life.

The more independence you have, the less you will be affected by the decisions that your Dad makes. If you are of age to start your own life, this might be the right time to start it.

Ask your Dad to release you if you feel you can start your own life. Don’t run away.

Starting your own life is a sure way to solve this matter without much conflict. If you had some independence before your mom died, you can work to increase it after her death.

Make achieving independence from your Dad your goal from now henceforth. Even if your Dad will agree to give you time to heal from the loss of your mom before he starts dating, let being independent remain your goal.

Read Also: My Boyfriend Lost his Mother; how can I help him?

There are many issues that will come up when your Dad marries another woman. You will be in a better position if you have a safe distance between you and your Dad.

Conclusion

Your Dad’s decision to start dating soon after your mother died may have affected you negatively but you can negotiate your way out.

Have a sitting with your Dad to find the best way forward. If you are unsure of what to tell your dad, you can get a mediator to help you out.

While all the negotiations are going on, remember that the permanent solution to this matter is for you to build your independent life.

Start building your independence today.

All the best!