Are your parents forcing you to go to college against your will? I’m sorry. I have been through the same situation. However, unlike me, you won’t have to guess what move to make.
I will tell you step by step what to do and the exact results you are to expect. That is what a big brother is for, isn’t it?
My own story is long and complicated; I won’t go into it. Instead, I will only be using relevant illustrations from my story to make some points clear.
If you really want to read my full story, you can get it here. (Link opens in new tab)
Before I jump into the steps of what to do if your parents are forcing you to go to college when you don’t want to, I want to talk about the moral aspect of the situation.
I don’t want you to continue feeling puzzled whether you are doing the right thing or not by refusing to go to college.
Is it Right to refuse to go to College?
Every child has the right to refuse to go to college. That is what we call free will. At no point should a parent hate his child for refusing to go to College.
It is okay for a parent to be angry if his child refuses to go to college but the blame should never land on the child.
In life, there are many disagreements that arise between children and their parents. College is only one of them. Good parents should be wise enough to know how to handle situations where such disagreements arise.
However, if you are unlucky to have unreasonable parents, you will have to take up the role of being the reasonable person in the situation.
If you refuse to become the reasonable person, both of you will end up losing.
Just to make something clear, if a child refuses to go to college, it doesn’t mean he won’t go to college. Confused?
Let me elaborate…
Every child who refuses to go to college always has a good reason for it. In most cases, there is more than one reason.
For a wise parent, the best thing to do is find out the reason why the child doesn’t want to go to college and see if you can give a better offer.
In my case, I didn’t want to go to college because I was learning blogging and I loved it. In my reasoning, college was going to cost me a lot of money and time. Blogging only required about a quarter of the amount I would pay in college and its return was more promising than the return I would get by going to college.
The problem that arose was that my dad didn’t know anything about blogging. Instead of him trying to understand my reasoning (what a wise adult should do in a disagreement), he blatantly pushed me to go to college.
At some point, I was willing to go to college but then I wanted to wait until when I had grasped the basic concepts of blogging.
All my explanations fell on the deafest ears I have ever come across in my life.
When I saw that there was barely any hope of getting to an agreement, I decided to be the ‘adult’ in the disagreement.
By reading this article, you are already taking up the role of the adult in the disagreement, which is commendable.
If a parent will take his time to understand the point of view of the child and make sure the child feels understood, the stalemate will end.
But chances of that happening are seemingly out of the equation.
Therefore, don’t feel guilty for refusing to go to college provided you have logical reasons for your stand. Also, don’t blame your parents for being unreasonable. Sometimes it is just the inevitable difference in how different generations think.
While for us we can work online and make a fortune, our parents still hold the belief that one must be employed in a 9 to 5 job to be successful.
In conclusion, it is the duty of parents to learn how to influence their children to do what they want them to do.
I hope we are good up to there…
The result of Parents forcing Children to go to College
What should you expect if parents force you to go to University?
There are two outcomes; one is if you go to college because you have been forced and the other is if you completely refuse to go to college.
Going to College out of Compulsion
If you end up going to college against your will, the first thing you should expect is poor results. There is no way you will go to college against your will and perform well.
Subconsciously, you will want to punish your parents for forcing you to go to college and there is no better way to do it than to post dismal results.
That is exactly what I did. When I saw that I was barely going anywhere by trying to convince my dad to let me not go to college, I decided to punish him.
Though I had scored an A in my high school examination, in the University, I was averaging a C. I knew I could do better than that but I chose to fail to prove a point.
Eventually, after my first year, I dropped out.
A parent may see it as a win when he eventually forces you to go to college but it can only be a win if you choose to go to college.
Therefore, don’t waste your time by going to college against your will. If you do, you will waste time and money and still come back to a bitter disagreement with your parents.
I wasted four years of my life arguing with my dad about college and in the same span of time, I wasted a considerable amount of money on college fee.
My dad insisted on paying my college fee even after I told him to wait for me to make up my mind about college. In the end, he wasted a lot of his money on a child who wasn’t ready for college. I pity him.
Though it sounds right to tell your parents not to spend money on your college education until you are ready, it is wrong. Parents should know.
The sad part is that even if you tell them, they will still do the foolish thing they have decided unless they are very wise parents.
Completely refusing to go to College
Completely refusing to go to college against the desire of your parents may sound like a bad idea but it has incredible benefits.
The worst that can happen if you completely refuse to go to college is that your relationship with your parents will be destroyed.
However, it is not guaranteed that your relationship with your parents will remain destroyed for good. There are many cases of people who disagreed with their parents, went their way but after a number of years reconciled with them.
Though this is not the best option, it is definitely better than going to college just to please your parents.
In most cases, the biggest worry of parents is the future of their child. But once the child proves to his parents that he actually knows what he is doing and they can see that he is up to something great, their worries will cease and the relationship will be restored.
The danger of using this path is that your relationship with your parents may be completely destroyed and that destruction comes with its own consequences. Right now you may think you can comfortably live without your parents but trust me, in the long run, you will be haunted.
Another disadvantage of completely refusing to go to University is that your plans may not work out as you expect and you end up miserable if your parents don’t take pity on you. Even if they do, you will still be haunted by your failure.
Therefore, only use this path if you are already seeing results with your plans. Don’t be fooled to think your plans are future-proof; you never know what could go wrong.
Before you despair about the situation you are in, let me give you a proven solution that will end all your problems.
The Best Solution if Parents are forcing you to go to University against your will
Here are the steps involved to solve your problem:
Ask for Peace
Before doing anything else, start by seeking peace with your parents. I know it sounds ridiculous to seek peace with your parents at a time when peace with them is the last thing in your mind. But without peace with your parents, nothing will work.
So, how do you seek peace with your parents?
Start by being honest about the situation at hand. Tell your parents that you love them and you want to be a child they can be proud of.
Then go ahead and explain that all you want is to get a solution to your current predicament. Let them know that you are concerned about your future and that you want the best out of it.
Don’t forget to mention that rushing through the complicated process of deciding about college will only ruin your life and waste their resources.
Ask them to be patient with you as you work with them to get your differences evened out.
Your parents must be willing to allow peace for you to proceed to the next step. If they don’t give you peace immediately, keep pushing until when you have peace to discuss on the best way forward.
Air your Honest Thoughts
Once you have attained peace with your parents, ask them to allow you time to fully express your honest thoughts. Make it clear to them that if they don’t allow you to express yourself, you won’t make any decision.
Also mention that once you are done expressing yourself, you will be willing to listen to their point of view. Both of you are grownups and this should be an easy task to accomplish.
Just like the first step, everyone must be on board before anything happens.
In expressing your thoughts, start by airing out that you are young and you need advice. Then mention that you have the right to choose what advice to follow and what advice not to follow.
Make it clear that if you feel forced to go to college, you won’t perform well. Insist that you will only go to college once the mental blockages in your mind are removed.
Then go ahead and ask your parents to give you their honest views on what you have asked for. Some parents may feel you are trying to put them in a box and they will entirely refuse to talk.
Wise parents will acknowledge that indeed what you have mentioned is right. They may alter a few of the statements you would have mentioned, which is totally fine.
Once you have a common ground with your parents on the above agreements, you can proceed to discuss the ‘meat’ of the topic.
Share the plan you have for your life and let your parents point out the flaws they see in your plan. Be careful in evaluating the criticism from your parents; if it is right, acknowledge it, if it is wrong, point it out.
This stage is critical and should be taken as slow as possible. Don’t worry about getting to a conclusion; focus on airing your thoughts and reasoning with one another.
If your exchange gets heated up, call off the discussion to another time. This is like any other negotiation.
Seek a Life Coach
If your discussion drags on without any hope of a solution, consider hiring a life coach to help with the mediation.
In most cases, your parents will want to dominate the discussion because they feel they know it all. On the other hand, you may be totally confused about life that you can’t defend your stand.
It is normal for young people to feel lost in life. While in that state, you only know things you don’t want to do but you can’t tell what you want to do.
Wise parents should be able to help their children navigate that stage of life successfully.
If your parents agree to hire a life coach for you, your problem will be half solved. The rest of the work will be to brief the life coach what is going on and she will take it up from there.
In the unfortunate situation where your parents are not willing to hire a life coach for you, you can hire one for yourself (Link opens in new tab) to help you out of the confusion.
In the end, it is your life that is on the line. Your parents have already lived a big chunk of their lives and they have little to lose if you mess up your life.
The decision to go to college or forfeit it is critical. Your life can be completely ruined if you don’t get it right. Make sure you give this decision your best thoughts.
A life coach will be of great help especially if you aren’t sure what you want to do with your life.
I have been through this confusing stage but I managed to come out of it victorious. You too can emerge out of it victoriously and live the life of your dreams.
Go for it!