It is frustrating to be in college yet you are unable to make friends. But even if you don’t have any friends right now, don’t worry.
I have been in your position before. Life became so hard that I ended up dropping out of college. Not having friends was not the main reason why I dropped out of college but it was a contributing factor.
However, I have since learned a lot from my experience and I am here to show you a better way of handling not having friends in college.
The cause of not Having Friends in College
From my experience, not having friends in college is never an isolated problem. In most cases, it is tied to other dysfunctions in life.
In my case, I was brought up in a toxic environment which made me prefer being alone. In college, I was able to talk to several people freely but I could not sustain a friendship.
I had an on and off switch for friendship that I would switch on a few times but it remained off most of the time. Anytime I would be around my friends for long, I would feel mentally exhausted.
I felt I was trying too hard to act normal. Many times I would have to fake my reactions just to fit among my friends. Faking my reactions when I was with my friends would take a toll on my mind and I would need a break to recharge.
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Eventually, I decided that spending most of my time alone was better.
If you feel you can’t fit among your friends, chances are that your problem is deeper than it appears. It may require you to go see a therapist to help you out.
If you have the courage, go to the office of the University counselor and ask for help. Tell her that you feel odd being around your fellow students and that you cannot sustain a friendship.
That is the first step I would like you to take in an attempt to solve the ‘no friends in college’ disease.
Advantages of not having Friends in College
As ironical as it may sound, not having friends in college is not all gloomy. Yes, it is better to have friends while in college than not to have them but if you struggle to get friends as I did, you can tap into some of these advantages.
The irony with taking advantage of not having friends in college is that it will eventually get you friends.
Most of the best thinkers in the world have very few friends. There is a clear correlation between being intelligent and having few friends.
Even if you don’t have friends and you are not intelligent, you are in a better position to become intelligent than the average person.
Since you don’t have friends, it means you have more free time than the average student. Use the extra time you have to build yourself.
Spend time reading great books to improve your life. Make sure you learn something new every day.
Instead of spending all your time watching entertainment videos on YouTube, learn timeless skills that will benefit you for the rest of your life.
You can train to be a writer and start a blog like me. I still spend much of my time alone but in most cases, I am usually writing articles and searching for more knowledge on my topics of interest.
As much as you may miss the affection that friendship brings, at least you can enjoy the peace that most people immersed in mediocre friendships don’t have.
It is better if you don’t have friends but you have less drama in your life than having friends with unending drama.
While I was in college, I kept seeing students who supposedly had friends but actually were lonely.
They were making stories and laughing together only for them to turn against one another in each other’s absence.
Treasure the alone time that you have every day.
Finding one faithful friend is better than trying to have many friends who don’t really care about you.
Have Intermittent Friends
Intermittent friends are those friends whom you meet and connect with but your meetings occur far apart. Intermittent friends offer affection and they have no drama.
I had several of this type of friends in a club I was part of. We used to have one meeting per week and I would only meet them during that meeting.
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The single meeting in a week would provide me an opportunity to share the affection of friendship.
Where to get Intermittent Friends
There are other students in college who are also struggling to make friendships just like you. If you can find such students, you will most likely be great friends.
Since both of you don’t like being around friends, it will be a shared trait that will connect you. If you can find such a friend, you can agree to only be meeting a few times a week or a month depending on your preferences.
You will be each other’s support system and you can’t imagine how strong your friendship will be.
The only problem is that such a student is also locked up in his room just as you are locked up in your room. But you can be sure that such students normally attend classes.
Therefore, while in class, look for those students that are sitting quietly when most others are running around making noise.
Since you want to get an intermittent friend, you will have to go out of your comfort zone to get one. Start a casual talk with one that seems to be as introverted as you are.
If you share your views, it won’t be hard to develop a connection.
How to Maintain an Intermittent Friendship
Since you will only be meeting with your friend a few times a week or a month, plan to do something together during the single time you meet.
You can start a simple routine like going to eat together on a specific day of the week. However, don’t sit down and plan for it; let it come naturally.
In case you live in the hostel, you can go for an evening walk once in a while with your friend. Make sure both of you enjoy whatever experience you choose to indulge in.
With such an intermittent friendship, you won’t feel exhausted and you will have a friend around to offer you affection when you feel lonely.
Having no friends in college is a common problem. But if you have it, it is a sign that you don’t tolerate mediocre friendships, which is a good thing.
Be encouraged despite your state and take advantage of it to build yourself. Know that there are people who are naturally not inclined towards having many friends.
All the best!