Losing a mother is one of those things in life that make you wish you were not born. All the love and warmth that your mother gave you is suddenly taken away from you.
In a flash, you find yourself dumbfounded. Your world spirals out of control. Losing a mother is tough.
I have experienced this dreadful event and I am here to give you a glimpse of what losing a mother feels like.
Shock after Learning of your Mother’s Death
Whether your mom was sick for a long time before her death or whether her death came as a surprise, there will always be shock when she dies.
No matter how prepared you may think you are for your mother’s death, you will still be shocked by her passing on.
The very first time you learn about your mother’s death, you will go into denial. You will know the message is true but your body will be confused on how to react.
The real shock hits when you see your mother lying motionless. It is easy to deny when someone informs you of your mother’s death but when you see your mother’s lifeless body, reality will hit you like a 40 ton truck.
It is common for people to faint due to the shock that hits them after losing their mother.
When I first learned about my mother’s death, I began shaking. All of a sudden my knees lost strength. Tears began rolling from my eyes. I didn’t notice that I was crying until when a tear dropped to my shoe.
It was weird how my body reacted.
Normally, when you are crying, you feel in control but when I lost my mother, I felt like someone was controlling my reactions.
That is what shock does to you after you learn of the death of your mother.
As the reality of losing your mother sinks in, you become confused. The confusion is so severe that your body forgets the breathing rhythm.
You have to be told to breathe; something that only new born babies should be told. This is why people faint when they learn about the death of their mother.
If you don’t pay attention to breathing, you will collapse.
Your chest feels tight too after you receive the message of your mother’s death. The suffocating feeling is so bad.
Deep Thoughts after Losing your Mother
After you absorb the news of your mother’s death, the second wave of mourning comes. Deep thoughts flood your mind. You can sit on your own for hours deep in these thoughts.
The hours pass by so fast. You won’t want to do anything else because thinking about your mother gives you a form of comfort.
The deep thoughts are a way for you to be with your mother and escape the reality of her death. Those deep thoughts are normally in two forms:
Where is my Mother Right Now?
It is common to ask yourself where your mother is after her death. Though you know that she is dead, your mind will want to know exactly where she is.
Since there is little information about what happens to those who die, you will keep speculating using the little information you have.
Sometimes you may wonder if she is in a better place or a worse place. You will debate in your mind if she wants to come back to life or stay wherever she is.
The deep thoughts go to an extent where you see yourself conversing with her about whether she is comfortable where she is or not.
What is my Mother Feeling?
Since she is your mother, you are used to asking her how she is feeling whenever you see her looking sad. But when she is dead, you will want to ask her how she is feeling but of course you won’t get a reply.
That is when your deep thinking takes over to cover the void. You will constantly find yourself imagining how your mom is feeling.
Sometimes you will imagine her feeling helpless in the realm of death and you will weep. Other times you will imagine she is at peace.
Either way, your mind will constantly be drawn to this kind of imaginations after the loss of your mother.
A Deep Longing after the Loss of your Mother
After battling with reality of your mother’s death for a while, you will start experiencing a deep longing for her.
If the longest period you have ever stayed without talking to your mother is five days, after five days, you will have a strong urge to talk to your mom.
Your mind will somehow forget that she is dead. You may find yourself picking up your phone to call her only for you to come back to reality.
Other times you will want to ask her something only for you to remember she is dead. Especially as you plan for the funeral, you will mistakenly want to consult your mother on the arrangements only for you to remember she is dead.
The strengths of your mother are the ones that fuel the longing to be with her. If she was a good storyteller, when you miss storytelling, you remember her.
If she was a good cook, meal time becomes time for missing your mom. The first few months after her death are especially hard.
Your mind will constantly try to convince you that your mom is still around. Many activities will remind you of her and you will miss her terribly.
You may find yourself avoiding activities that you used to do with your mother just to avoid the memories that those activities bring.
A Longing for your Deceased Mother in Dreams
Your longing to be with your mother will continue into your dreams. On several nights, you will have weird dreams where you are relating with your mom only for you to wake up to the sad reality.
In most of the dreams, you will see your mom helpless. Sometimes you will dream of her coming back to life and dying again.
Dreams that come after your mother dies can be so strange.
When you wake up from such dreams, you will remember your mother and it will create a deep longing for her.
Such dreams can still occur several years after your mom passed on.
Losing a mother comes with very strong emotions. Your body finds many of the emotions too confusing for it to react.
It feels as if someone is controlling your feelings.
Your mind becomes occupied with thousands of thoughts which cause you to sit alone for long periods. As you sink deep into the thoughts, you forget about daily activities like eating, showering, working etc
Then you will have to contend with deep longings to talk to your mother.
That is the package you get for losing your mother.