Nofap is not the easiest course out there. Failing is the order of the day for majority of people in nofap. I’m sure you are reading this article because you are among the majority who fail.
Don’t worry though. I too was among the majority and I failed repeatedly. In this article, I want to dive into the details of failure in nofap and what you should do if you are stuck in the loop that I was in.
All I’m writing in this article is exactly what I went through.
By the way, I am no longer addicted to watching porn and fapping. I managed to break free. I will talk about it later in the article.
Before I dive into the details, I want you to take a few deep breaths and assure yourself that it is okay to fail. You are not a weak person, I assure you.
I am normally successful with many of the projects that I undertake. I do meticulous planning before embarking on a course. But despite my impressive performance, nofap proved to be a hard nut to crack time and again.
There is absolutely no reason why you should feel like a loser if you have failed with nofap. It’s expected.
Enough with affirmations, let’s get to business.
What is a Fail in Nofap?
It is important that I define what a fail in nofap is before I begin talking about my failure or else how will you understand what I mean by failure?
A nofap fail is a state where you lose control over your urges to watch porn or masturbate. It goes beyond visiting a porn site. Staring at a lady while you undress her in your mind is also a fail in nofap. On the other hand, any kind of touch to your sexual organs, with or without looking at seductive images, with the intention of pleasure is a fail.
In other words, I expect success in nofap to be complete freedom from the controlling urges of watching porn and wanking. However, it doesn’t stop there.
I also expect a successful person in nofap to be able to hate watching porn and fapping. He should be able to remain calm when he is accidentally exposed to adult content.
I know some nofap people who will do well if they are not exposed to sexual content. But if you make a mistake to expose them to any seductive material, all their superpowers will come crushing down.
That to me is not freedom.
I know that there is no way you can guarantee 100% freedom from seductive content in our current world. Somehow and in some way you will come across suggestive content.
Freedom to me means you must conquer the situation without any trouble.
Why I kept failing in Nofap
I stumbled upon nofap half way through my journey struggling with porn addiction. Before I came across nofap, I didn’t bother to quit watching porn and masturbating since I found no problem with it.
I enjoyed looking at naked bodies and bombarding my young mind with the resulting adrenaline rush. Which teenager doesn’t like thrills?
I kept failing in nofap because I didn’t understand the dynamics of what porn and masturbation addiction was. Porn addiction is definitely not your typical habit that you can throw out the window when you don’t like it.
I describe porn addiction as a monster that dwells in your house; kicking it out is not easy.
So, what are those ‘dynamics’ of porn addiction that I didn’t understand and which led to my constant failure?
Root Cause
If you prepare for a half marathon then realize along the way that the marathon is actually a full marathon, will you keep running?
I don’t think so.
There is no way your energy reserve which was prepared to cover a half marathon will be able to cover a full marathon.
That is exactly what happened to me with nofap. I never sat down to analyze what I was getting myself into. I thought it was an overnight decision that I could wake up and implement without any hitches.
I was shocked.
In the eBook I have linked to above which talks about my porn addiction journey, I narrate what it felt like the first morning I woke up and decided that I would no longer watch porn nor masturbate.
I’m quite sure you have tried that approach too. I realized that unless you truly understand where your urges to watch porn and fap are coming from, you don’t stand a chance of overcoming the addiction.
It is like cutting a tree by the stem and expecting it to die completely. In no time, the stem you leave behind will develop shoots and before you know it, the tree will be back to life.
But if you know that a tree has roots and you take your time to pull them out, of course the tree will never come up again.
Digging up the roots takes time. Getting to the source of your urges to watch porn and masturbate takes a lot of studying. The source is often intertwined with many life issues.
That is why I normally recommend people who want to start working on beating porn addiction to hire a therapist. Here is a full guide on that.
Once I discovered the root cause of my addiction to watching adult content and wanking, everything became a lot easier. It was easy for me to come up with a simple strategy that eventually brought me freedom.
Operation
If you don’t know where the brake pedal is in a car, there is no way you can stop the car. A slender guy can stop a 50 ton truck if he knows where the brake pedal is.
That is the power of knowing the operation behind a machine. Porn addiction is no different. If you don’t know how addiction to watching pornography and fapping works in your life, you can’t stop it.
I made this mistake and it led me to fail in nofap repeatedly. I would go for several days without watching porn and fapping. In those days, I wouldn’t get urges which led me to believe that I was conquering the addiction.
But then after a number of days, the urges would come in their full might. It was impossible to resist them. They would sway me like a leaf in the wind.
Most times, I would end up binging porn videos to compensate for the days I had not watched porn. I would then reassure myself that what had happened was just a slip.
The truth is that whatever was happening was a pattern and that pattern was never coming to an end before I learned how the whole system works.
Right now you may have a rough idea of how porn addiction works but it takes full understanding to get rid of the addiction. Nofap offers a bit of explanation of how pornography addiction operates but that information is not sufficient to give you the freedom you crave for.
If you want to stand a chance of beating fapping, be prepared to learn the operation of the entire system.
Elimination
After I had learned the root cause and operation of my addiction to porn, I thought that was it. But then I realized that it takes more than knowing the cause and operation of the addiction to end it.
It dawned on me that I needed a killer strategy to finish off the work. Nofap has a good strategy but unfortunately, it never delivered results I thought it would.
Even though I had gained much understanding about my pornography addiction, nofap was still unable to put the addiction chapter to bed.
In elimination, it is not so much about the strategy you use but rather how compatible you are with that strategy.
A strategy may be excellent but then it doesn’t work in your situation. This reason sums up my ultimate failure in nofap. Since I am not the type of guy who strains with something for long, nofap couldn’t work for me.
I normally prefer to understand a problem as much as I can then use minimal strength to get it solved. My repeated fails in nofap were majorly a result of my incompatibility with the strategy.
Now that you too are experiencing frequent fails in nofap, it might be an indicator that you need a different approach to it.
If that is the case, don’t worry, you will find all the guidance you need later on in this article.
What Failure on Nofap Feels Like
Most of what you see on the internet about nofap is not the true picture. I did some digging on the success rate in the nofap challenge and got surprising results. Check the results in this article.
In most cases, it is only people who are successful that talk about nofap. When you keep seeing success stories about nofap, you start to think you are a miserable person for not getting impressive results.
I am here as a witness. Majority of the people who fail in nofap never talk about it. Why should they air their failure on the internet?
I too would not be talking about my failure with nofap had it not been that I finally managed to overcome my addiction to porn and masturbation though I used a different method.
Every time I would watch porn when I had vowed not to watch it, I would get a crushing feeling inside of me. Failing made me hopeless.
It did not only affect my resolve to beat pornography addiction but also other resolutions in my life. I remember at one time I was working hard to build friendships while working on nofap.
The day that I failed in nofap, I gave up pushing myself to go out and meet new people. Everything felt so hopeless and empty.
I felt like locking myself in my room for the rest of my life so that no one would see my miserable life. It is such a bad state to be in.
What I used to do after nofap fails
If you have experienced nofap fails you know exactly what hopelessness is. It is difficult to pick yourself up after a nofap fail.
In my case, after failing in nofap, I would lie on bed and regret why I got myself into the habit in the first place. I wondered what it felt like for other young men who never struggled with pornography and masturbation.
I would go into deep thoughts for almost an hour. Sometimes it would be longer than an hour. On some occasions, the deep thinking would make me feel more miserable and go back into further wanking and binging adult films.
It was a deadly cycle.
Failure in nofap normally sets up our minds for the self-destruction mode. The hopeless feelings sink addicts deeper causing them to indulge more in the destructive act.
If you are not careful, you may end up in dangerous habits like self-harming. I once watched a video of a porn addict who was contemplating suicide every time he would fail to beat the addiction.
What I should have done after failing in nofap
Even though I finally did it, I should have changed my approach to beating porn addiction early. It makes sense to change strategies if the one you are using is not giving you the results you desire.
I normally see many people who are stuck with nofap even when it is clear that nofap will never get them the results they want.
I am grateful to myself that I eventually changed my strategy and the one I changed to worked perfectly for me.
Apart from changing my strategy, I changed my immediate reaction to a fail. Every time I would masturbate when I had vowed not to, I would walk out of the room immediately.
Walking out immediately helped me cut down feelings of hopelessness. Even though it didn’t stop me from wanking and watching adult content, it stopped me from repeating the dirty acts.
Walking away immediately saved me from the vicious cycle of binging on porn sites and repeating fapping.
A surprising thing I learned to do after watching porn was to allow myself to watch it again later. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it helped me a lot.
After every session of fapping, I would know at the back of my mind that I would be doing the same act later on.
With my mind aware of the ‘next episode’, I wouldn’t feel much guilt when I did it again. Combined with walking out immediately after the act, I found it a lot easier to cope with failures in my struggle to beat porn addiction.
However, I have to warn that it can easily become comfortable for you to watch porn if you misuse this method. You should only apply this method if you are working on a different strategy.
You should have a timeline in your mind where you will end it.
In my case, I was doing that while studying to find the root cause of my addiction. Indulging in the addiction gave me more ‘statistics’ to go with.
What I recommend if you Fail nofap
Don’t feel bad that you are a failure. I failed in nofap too. The most important thing is that you open up and follow the recommendations I have here.
The method I recommend here costs money. It is definitely more expensive than nofap but then it has better results and less straining.
I recommend you hire a porn addiction therapist. When you hire one, I want you to specifically ask the therapist to help you analyze your childhood.
Share all your emotional struggles with her. With more sharing, you should be able to start seeing patterns that lead to your porn addiction.
Once you have discovered the source of your urges to watch porn, the next step is to walk with the therapist to solve each of the pain points.
If you lacked female attention while you were young, let the therapist guide you on how to heal from it. Once the deep seated pains disappear, the urges to watch pornography and masturbate will disappear also.
It is exactly what I did. I was surprised at the results. It felt like a dream. To this day, I never struggle with urges to watch porn.
I often come across adult content on the internet but then I don’t get urges to go further into it as it was the case before.
There is true freedom from porn and masturbation if you are willing to pay the price.
If you want to hire a therapist right away, use the button at the end of this article. Otherwise, go to this article to see the pricing and the company I recommend you use to get a porn addiction therapist.
With that said, I wish you all the best in your battle against porn and masturbation!