Your mother died unexpectedly. You thought you will get over it in no time. Her burial came and went and you thought it was over. But then weeks later you still felt empty.
You gave yourself more time but still you didn’t get any better. Months passed and you seemed to be getting worse.
It then dawned on you that you were getting into depression. Moving on from your mother’s death has proved to be harder than you imagined.
You wonder how other people manage to move on after the loss of their mothers. What special thing do others who lose their mothers do that you are not doing?
In this article, I will help you recover from the depression you are in as a result of losing your mother. But first, let me help you understand how you got into the situation you are in.
It is only after you know how you got into depression that you can start working to reverse it.
Why you got Depressed after your Mother’s Death
Getting depressed and losing a mother are two different things. When someone loses a mother, it is normal to grieve for some time.
But then the grief should slowly diminish. The more time passes after the death of your mother, the better you should feel.
Recovering from your mother’s death should come naturally.
But if you are in the unfortunate bracket of people who instead of growing out of grief after the loss of their mother they grow into depression, you need to know two things:
Reliance on your Mother
Depression is primarily a result of losing hope in life. Hope in life is a direct result of having a strong structure. It is the structure that gives you certainty about the future.
If that structure is taken away, you will have trouble figuring out what the future holds. With no certainty about the future, you will be scared to face it.
That fear is what paralyzes you in the form of depression.
If you have fallen into depression after losing your mother, chances are that your mother was a pillar in the structure of your life.
If she was the central pillar of your structure, you will have a hard time establishing structure after her death.
I hope you are now getting an idea of where the depression you are experiencing is coming from.
Denial of Mother’s Death
It is hard to believe that your mother is actually dead. Part of the reason is because when your mother dies, it is the first time you are experiencing life without your mother.
Just like everything else in life, when you are doing something for the first time, you feel overwhelmed by the number of things that you need to master.
As a beginner in living life without a mother, you may have given up learning the many details of life without a mother.
As a result, the more time you spend not learning how to cope with the death of your mother, the further you sink into paralysis. It then gets to a point where you don’t see the point of trying to learn how to cope with life because you feel you have fallen too far.
But the truth is that as long as you are living, it is never too late to recover. Even if you had only one day left, it is still worth it to put in the effort to recover.
It is for that reason that I decided to write this article, just for you.
I have compressed the things you need to do to recover from depression after losing your mother into the following three simple steps:
1. Join a Team
I know you don’t feel like but then if you want to recover after losing your mother, you need to be part of a team.
We are wired to survive by being part of a family. Losing a mother may have stripped you of the feeling of belonging you had.
Without feeling you belong somewhere, life is pointless.
This is why I am urging you to join a team that shares the values that you have. You can join a church, a charity organization, join a business club, join a sports team and any other team you relate to.
If you are already part of a team, double down on your level of commitment. If you are only a member, get some extra work in the team.
The more committed you are to a team, the more you will have the sense of belonging. That sense of belonging will help you establish structure in your life and pull you out of depression.
2. Establish a Routine
As part of building a structure for your life after losing your mother, have a basic routine. Establish the main activities that you do daily and let them be the basis of your routine.
If you are part of a team, you can incorporate the activities of the team into your routine. This is why I began by urging you to join a team.
Make sure that each of your days is packed with activities. It is the many activities that will help you feel productive and give you a reason to wake up the following day.
Have a morning routine that you follow every day. Wake up at the same time on a daily basis and do the same activities.
The more precise your routine becomes, the stronger your structure will be. And with a strong structure, you will easily come out of depression.
Do not let the death of your mother paralyze you. Use the power of routines to recover.
3. Set Goals for yourself
Being depressed after losing a mother means that you don’t see the need for being alive without your mother. But that is only true if your mother was the one who was setting goals for you.
If you set goals for yourself, you won’t feel the future is blank after the death of your mother.
As a long term strategy to move on after the death of your mother, make sure you set goals and commit yourself to achieve them.
Set financial goals for yourself. Give yourself a challenge to build a business that generates $10,000 a month.
Set fitness goals, purpose to do five mile runs once a month, buy a bicycle and join a cycling club etc. There are unlimited goals you can set for yourself.
It is easier to set these goals if you have already established a structure in your life. These goals will help you have a reason to wake up every day.
Moving on after the death of your mother will happen naturally if you spend your energy pursuing the goals you have set in your life.
Therefore, don’t continue lying on your couch wondering why you were born. Rise up and get moving.
The points I have discussed above are few and simple but don’t be fooled by them. Executing them is not easy. You may feel determined now but after a week, the motivation may be gone.
It will depend on your will power to keep doing the activities. Don’t give up. This is how everyone who moved on after the death of their mother did.
If you love your life, pick yourself up and get moving.
All the best!