Attending the funeral of a parent should be a straightforward case but if your parent was abusive, attending her funeral is debatable.
I get your point; why should you attend your parent’s funeral when you don’t care about her? Why should you pretend to give last respects to your mother when in reality you are glad that she is dead?
It will definitely be hard for you to attend the funeral of your abusive parent if you still have the pain of the abuse.
It is even worse if you have stayed away from her for a long time. But remember that there are consequences of not attending her funeral.
One of the major battles you will have to deal with if you don’t attend your mother’s funeral is the criticism you will get from relatives.
You may think that you will easily brush off the criticism of your relatives but it is not that easy. The criticism will suck all life from your soul.
Read Also: Preparing for Mom’s Death: Things to do before Mom Dies
That is why deciding whether or not to attend the funeral of your abusive parent is a big deal. It is not only about how you feel about it but also what other people feel about it.
In this article, I want to help you make a decision whether to attend the funeral of your abusive mother or not.
I want to help you not to have any regrets after the funeral of your abusive mother.
Not Attending your Abusive Parent’s Funeral
Your Abusive Parent is Still your Parent
Let’s start here; put aside all the anger you have against your parent for a while. That woman who is lying in the coffin carried you in her womb for nine months.
She felt the weight of carrying you around and she was never ashamed of walking around with a protruding belly because of you.
On the day of delivery, she went into labor and risked her life for you to be born. She endured pain for your sake.
After you were born, she breastfed you until you were old enough to eat other foods. All that time, she took care of you.
The point I want to pass across is that a mother is still a mother even if she was abusive to you. Each one of us is born into this world with one woman and that woman becomes our mother by default.
None of us had a chance to pick a mother.
Just because your mother turned out to be abusive doesn’t give you a right to disown her as your mother. Either way, no matter how many times you disown your abusive mother, she will forever remain to be your mother.
Therefore, I want you to remember that your mother is still your mother no matter how horrible she is.
It is unfortunate that she took your through a lot of suffering but now she is no more. I’m sure your dead mother will not rise from her coffin and shout one last abuse at you.
Read Also: Going back to School while Grieving Mom’s Death
For this reason, I request that you attend your mother’s funeral. You can avoid viewing her body if you want but make sure you attend her funeral.
Forgive your Mother and Attend her Funeral
No child has a right to bear unforgiveness towards the mother. Mothers can be annoying but still their children have no right to bear unforgiveness against them.
Your abusive mother will meet God for judgment for what she did to you. It is God who gave your mom the responsibility to take care of you.
If there is someone who is to punish your mother for the abuse she took you through, it is God.
If you bear unforgiveness against your mother, you are liable for punishment.
This being your mother’s last journey, find space in your heart to forgive her. Not only will you find rest for your soul but also you will have an easy time moving on after her death.
No matter how unpleasant it may be to you to attend your mother’s funeral, make sure that you set your foot there.
It may not sound pleasing right now but trust me, you will thank yourself in future that you attended your mom’s funeral.
Attending the funeral of your mother is one step ahead in the journey to overcoming the abuse she took your through.
You need to heal from the abuse. Your mother’s death will not bring automatic healing. You need to intentionally work to recover from the pain your mother caused you.
Healing from the childhood abuse your mother took you through will help you advance in life.
Attend your Abusive Mother’s Funeral to keep a Good Name
According to the writing of the wise King Solomon, a good name is better than great riches. That is very true!
You can have all the good things in this life but if you have a bad name, you won’t get sleep at night. You may not know just how important it is to have a good name right now but trust me, a good name matters more than you can imagine.
Failing to attend your mother’s funeral even if she was abusive will certainly give you a bad name. Build a good name for yourself by attending the funeral of your mother.
You are not building a good name to please people; it is for your own peace.
Read Also: Death of a Mother Sermon: Comfort for those who Mourn
How other people perceive you matters a lot. The last thing you want is for your relatives to have the perception of ‘The child who refused to attend the mother’s funeral’ towards you.
Any negative perception will eat you alive. No matter how far you run away from home, the negative perception will still suck life out of you.
Don’t get into that cycle!
Prepare yourself and attend the funeral of your mother. No matter how difficult it is for you to attend her funeral, put in every effort to attend it.
Speak well of your Parent in her Funeral
When you attend the funeral of your abusive mother, don’t pour out your bitterness to ruin her final journey.
Instead, speak well of her. If you have nothing good to say about her, speak peace. You will gain much by wishing your mom a peaceful rest.
This is the very last chance you will ever have to make peace when your mom is still around even if it is only her dead body.
Don’t waste this opportunity.
You may not want to actively participate in the funeral arrangements of your mother but make sure that you don’t ruin the arrangements that others have made for your mom.