Nofap for a married man is a bit complicated. When you are single, all you need to do is decide on the mode you want to start with and go full force. But when you are married, the dynamics are different.
Doing nofap when you are married can bring serious problems to your marriage. That is why I have compiled three essential lessons that you must know before embarking on nofap when you are married.
Remember the only reason why you should be thinking of nofap when you are married is because you want to get rid of porn and masturbation. If that is not your primary goal for doing nofap, close this tab and forget about nofap.
So, what are the three key lessons you must learn before starting nofap if you are a married man?
Consent from your Wife
Marriage is not yours alone. It is both for you and your wife. That means that both of you have equal responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of your marriage.
If you see a threat in your marriage, you have the right to stop it even if it is your wife who has brought the threat. Likewise, she has the right to stop you from doing anything that will endanger your marriage.
Therefore, before you start your nofap challenge, sit down and discuss it with your wife. There are three categories of responses you will find when you ask your wife about your intention to participate in nofap.
Let’s look at each one of them…
A Straight Yes
This is of course the best answer that every man hopes for when he sits down to discuss with his wife about his intentions to participate in the nofap challenge.
If you get this answer, make sure you follow through your intentions. It will be disappointing to your wife if she gives you a go ahead then you fail to do the challenge as you had promised.
Read Also: 7 Secrets only Porn Addicts Know
It is even more frustrating if your wife allowed you to do nofap with the hopes that she will have sweeter intimate time with you and you fail to do it.
Let her yes be a motivation to you to go into nofap with all your ability.
If your wife gives you an unclear answer or she remains silent when you inquire if you can start nofap, stay away from the issue for a while.
Definitely there is something that is causing her not to reply to you. It is not necessarily your problem but then you have to keep off that conversation until some other time.
Don’t start nofap without getting a clear opinion of your wife about it. Your marriage is too precious for you to take such a risk.
However, your wife may be silent about the issue because she doesn’t see it as her responsibility. Maybe all she wants is that you get rid of your addiction in whatever way you know how to.
Before you conclude that that is the situation in your marriage, make sure you have explained to your wife what nofap is and why you want to do it.
Make the communication the same way you would do in a business contract. It is very important for you and your wife to be on the same page before you start nofap.
A firm No
If for some reason your wife says no to your desire to do nofap, respect her decision. Don’t try to explain why you ‘have to’ do it.
If it is possible, ask her for a suggestion of what you can do instead of nofap to get rid of your porn and masturbation addiction.
Be genuine with your request.
In any case, don’t despise your wife’s resistance to nofap. She is an equal shareholder in your marriage. For the safety of your marriage, find a method of quitting porn and masturbation that is suitable for both of you.
Only go ahead with your nofap plans if your wife is fully aware of it and you have her support. Even after your wife has given you a go ahead, be ready to change plans in case she changes her mind afterwards.
She deserves to be listened to. That is why she is your wife and that is how you show that you love her.
The Chaser Effect
In case you don’t know, the chaser effect is a state where you crave to watch porn and masturbate after you have had an orgasm shortly before. The time frame for the chaser effect can last up to three days.
Married men are prone to experiencing the chaser effect since some of them may choose to have intimate time with their wives during nofap.
The idea here is that once you give your body a taste of the thrill, in the following days, it will demand for more.
When you are single, it is easy to do avoid the chaser effect since you can cut off things that trigger you sexually.
But when you are married, there is a high possibility that your mind will be triggered and lead you into a sexual frenzy.
Read Also: How to Know if you are addicted to Porn and Masturbation
This effect makes nofap for married men challenging. It is not easy to share a room with a beautiful woman without getting a sexual stimulation especially if you can have intimacy her.
You may be on a nofap streak then you accidentally walk into your room and find your wife in a seductive position on your bed.
That is why I began by stating that you must make an agreement with your wife before you get into nofap. She is to support you by not being a temptation to you.
The problem is that once you are stimulated sexually, it is so easy to relapse. You may not sleep with your wife but then her stimulation may lead you to watching porn and masturbating.
It is hard to do nofap when you are married.
Sex during Nofap
Will you be having sex with your wife during nofap? It is not clearly defined in the nofap community if it is okay to have sex during nofap. However, the best practice is to abstain from sex all together unless your partner is against it.
Before you embark on nofap, have a clear resolution with your wife about sex. Remember if you engage in sex during nofap your body will automatically demand for the same sexual stimulation shortly afterwards.
That means you either have to have sex with your wife frequently or be prepared for a tough battle against sexual urges.
In any case, navigating nofap when you have a partner is not easy. Even for those who choose complete abstinence, nofap is not any easier.
It is also important for you to note that shortly after you begin your nofap plan, your attraction to your wife will increase drastically.
In just a few days, urges to sleep with your wife will go beyond what you might be expecting. While that is a good thing, it creates a dilemma.
If you give in to the strong attraction that develops for your wife, you will most likely be unable to stop the urges to watch porn and masturbate afterwards.
The reverse can also happen; your wife may develop a strong desire to sleep with you and seduce you into it. Either way, having sex during nofap will always come with a certain level of despair.
No matter how sweet sex with your wife is during nofap, you will feel a sense of loss afterwards. In most cases, you will go back to your old pattern.
So, what is the best practice when it comes to nofap for married men?
Find Nofap’s Alternative
It goes without saying that you cannot abstain from having sex with your wife forever. But then if that is the case, how can a married man quit watching porn and masturbating?
I have mentioned previously that nofap is not my recommended way for people who want to quit pornography addiction.
My recommended way is that addicts use therapy to break free from their addiction. But then that therapy is to be done with understanding.
It is easy to go to a therapist to get rid of porn and fapping and come out of there with the same addiction after having spent hundreds of dollars.
I normally advise my readers to go to a therapist specifically to learn about their childhood and how they were parented.
In learning how they were parented, they should be able to see negative patterns that are consistent in their lives.
In almost all cases, porn addiction is a covering over hidden pain that was developed during childhood parenting. Some of the pains are so hidden that only a therapist can detect them.
Once you have discovered what causes you to get urges to watch porn, all you have to do is follow the therapist’s advice to take out the pain.
As you heal from your past pain, your urges to watch porn and masturbate will start going down on their own. When you finally get completely healed from your pain, you will never get urges to watch porn nor fap again.
This is exactly what happened in my life. After years of struggling to get rid of porn and masturbation using different methods, I chose to sit down and find out the source of my urges to porn.
After carefully studying my past, I realized that urges to watch porn were coming to mask pain that I had developed while I was still a child.
I never felt heard by my parents which made me upset. Every time someone would not hear me over any matter, I would feel horrible. I would then watch porn and masturbate as a way to get rid of the horrible feelings I was experiencing.
When I began working to heal from my past pain, the horrible feelings went down and so did the urges to watch porn and fap.
When I healed completely from the childhood pain, all urges to watch porn and masturbate disappeared completely. I am free to this day.
I find this method to be a permanent solution to porn and masturbation addiction. It may cost some good dollars but then its end result is more than what you can ask for.
If you want to give this therapy method a try, you can read this article that explains why you need a therapist to beat porn and masturbation addiction. You will understand how best to get freedom using the therapy approach.
I believe your wife will be more willing to allow you get a therapist than to go with nofap.
Nofap will only mask your addiction for a while but then you will still be a porn addict. Why go with a temporary solution when you can get a permanent one?